Psychology: Narcissus • Narcissism

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The narcissists and how to spot them in your life
Is it really a narcissist behaviour?
If you don't know already, read the signs.


✍ I imagine you came across this article to see if someone close to you who significantly affects you is a narcissist or has elements of narcissistic behavior.

And I don't mean by the innocent myth of the beautiful Narcissus who fell in love with his image in the reflection of the water but in the very negative sense of the effect of narcissistic behavior possessed by toxicity in the words and actions, something we read and see lately almost everywhere.

◉ If you just want to know if the person you are interested in learning about has narcissistic behavioral disorders, read only the last four paragraphs.

But between us, I believe that in order to still be here, you already know it and maybe you are just looking for an additional confirmation.

However, if for some reason you want to understand and learn more about this monster that slowly eats your everyday life along with every good and beautiful feeling inside you, read all the following.

But do yourself a favor and don't use it to justify (once more) συμπεριφορές εναντίον σου που σου στερούν την αυτοεκτίμηση και την καθημερινή χαρά της ζωής.

Any human intercourse that does not fills you up or isn't enough for you, if it can't be improved as needed, it would be good to cut with a knife, before leaving you an emotional rag.




Lily's Tips:

First let's make something clear:
Detecting narcissistic behaviors in others - if not in almost everyone around us, at least at some point in their lives - is easier than we think, as Sigmund Freud explained in his book On Narcissism: An Introduction (1914)”, narcissism already exists as a normal, perhaps universal, human experience in all of us from our infancy.

The feeling of being "His Majesty the Baby" and living in the "center and core of creation" gave babies the wonderful (albeit deceptive) feeling that they are omnipotent and completely independent.

Sigmund Freud used primary narcissism to work out a model of human development in which the attempt to control, organize and direct sexual attraction (libido) played a leading role.

The primary narcissism of children that Sigmund Freud assumes, which is one of the axioms of our theories of libido, is less easy to understand by direct observation than to be confirmed by conclusions elsewhere.

If we carefully look at the attitude of loving parents towards their children, we must recognize that it is a revival and reproduction of their own narcissism, which they have long since abandoned.

The child should have a better life than his parents and not have to go through the hardships that have stigmatized his parents' lives.
Illness, death, giving up the enjoyment of everyday things, restrictions on everything he wants to acquire and achieve, shouldn't touch the child.
All the laws of nature and society are abolished in his favor.
It will once again be the center and core of creation "His Majesty the Baby", as we once imagined ourselves.

The child will fulfill these pleasant dreams of parents that they never realized - the boy will become a great man and hero in the place of his father and the girl will marry a prince and live a fairytale life, as a late compensation for her mother.
At the most sensitive point of the narcissistic system, the immortality of the ego, so pressed by reality, is achieved by refuge in the child.

Parental love, which on the surface seems so moving even though it is in fact a deep remnant of his parents' childhood, is nothing but the narcissism of the reborn parents, who transformed into love for the new chances of reviving a narcissistic ''Ego'', through the life of the young child, in the experienced eyes of psychologists, always reveals his previous nature.

What is the result of such parental behavior from the very first years of our lives?
Research has shown that if parents overestimate or underestimate their children in their childhood and beyond, they may grow up constantly yearning for praise or validation and attention, sometimes in any way or means.

Growing up narcissists can be divided into two types of people in the social (narcissus) and the antisocial (narcissus).

Social narcissistic personalities usually belong to people who are always and everywhere the soul of the company, they like to gather people around them, they are fun and use their empathy to become even more sought after in their social environment and to attract even more attention, achieving - as they realize it - the validation of their value.

On the other hand, there're malignant antisocial narcissists who aren't known for their empathy but only for their frequent disorders, they aren't interested in doing anything for your immediate or only benefit and in order to survive as they think it's best, they are determined to pressure people and situations, to step on corpses and climb as high as possible on the pedestal of a way of life that they will consider as their personal success.

Although these people are capable of forming long-term relationships, they often perceive daily small events or words as personal attacks.

Before narcissistic behavior manifests itself in a minor, it may pre-exist in a hidden or latent form within him.
Although these people don't often express feelings of greatness about themselves, they usually feel wronged by life and reality because they believe that they deserve something much better than everyone else and by feeling wronged for years, they may fall into chronic depression.

The outspoken narcissist, however, is a person you can easily recognize through his repetitive actions which will often frustrate you as he will prioritize their own needs over your own and will not apologize for his behavior unless it helps him to gain something more from you in the short or long term.
You may feel that you're struggling to gain his attention, trying too hard not to offend him or constantly trying not to be blamed for the negative experiences in their lives.

And they will always do all this as long as they've convinced you that you aren't worth anything more than that and if you are worth something, only they can offer it to you and you have to be patient and tolerate them, if not thank them for their behavior towards you.

If in the above you recognize the behaviors of a person close to you (your relationship, your friend, your colleague or employer and even your parent) and you don't know what to do, how to handle it or deal with it, read this article more carefully from the beginning and you will surely find mine tip - suggestion.



Other articles about narcissism and narcissists:


How To Spot A Vulnerable Narcissist ( theawarenesscentre.com)

How to Recognize Someone With Covert Narcissism ( verywellmind.com)

How to Divorce a Narcissist ( oplaw.com)

Five Signs of Narcissism - Common Characteristics of Narcissistic Personalities ( appliedbehavioranalysisprograms.com)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder ( helpguide.org)



Books to read more about narcissism and narcissists:


• “On Narcissism”
— a 1914 essay by Sigmund Freud.

“Whoever loves becomes humble.
Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism.”

― Sigmund Freud



• “The Culture of Narcissism”— a 1979 book by cultural historian Christopher Lasch, in which the author explores the roots and consequences of the normalization of pathological narcissism in the 20th century.

“The parents' failure to serve as models of disciplined self-restraint or to restrain the child does not mean that the child grows up without a superego.
On the contrary, it encourages the development of a harsh and punitive superego based largely on archaic images of the parents, fused with grandiose self-images.
Under these conditions, the superego consists of parental introjects instead of identifications.
It holds up to the ego an exalted standard of fame and success and condemns it with savage ferocity when it falls short of that standard.
Hence the oscillations of self-esteem so often associated with pathological narcissism.”

― Christopher Lasch



• “Emotional Vampires”— Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry, a book by Albert Bernstein about all the people who "dry out" you emotionally.

“Narcissistic vampires are absolutely shameless in their fantasies about how great they are and how much everybody admires them, or should.”

“Entitlement Narcissistic vampires believe they are so special that the rules don’t apply to them.
They expect the red carpet to be rolled out for them wherever they go, and if it isn’t, they get quite surly.
They don’t wait, they don’t recycle, they don’t pay retail, they don’t stand in line, they don’t clean up after themselves, they don’t let other people get in front of them in traffic, and their income taxes rival great works of fiction.
Illness or even death is no excuse for other people not immediately jumping up to meet their needs.
They aren’t the least bit ashamed of using other people and systems for their own personal gain. They boast about how they take advantage of just about everybody.”

“Don't let a Narcissist, or any other kind of vampire, get away with nonverbal disapproval. Unspoken communication has much more power than mere words because it is ambiguous.
If a Narcissist says you did something wrong, you can at least disagree.
If he only hints at it, you are left wondering if what you're seeing really means what you think it does, or if the whole thing is somehow your fault, or whatever else you might be imagining.”

“To be psychologically healthy, we have to believe that what we do has some effect on what happens to us.”

― Albert Bernstein quote



• “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?”— Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, a book from Karyl McBride.
As its title suggests, this book examines the unique relationship between daughters and their narcissistic mothers.
Historically, some women have struggled to validate their needs before the needs of others and this tendency is often exacerbated if they've been raised by a parent who has been highly narcissistic.

“The daughter doesn’t realize that the behaviors that will please her mother are entirely arbitrary, determined only by her mother’s self-seeking concern.
Most damaging is that a narcissistic mother never approves of her daughter simply for being herself, which the daughter desperately needs in order to grow into a confident woman.
A daughter who doesn’t receive validation from her earliest relationship with her mother learns that she has no significance in the world and her efforts have no effect.
She tries her hardest to make a genuine connection with Mom, but fails, and thinks that the problem of rarely being able to please her mother lies within herself.
This teaches the daughter that she is unworthy of love.
The daughter’s notion of mother-daughter love is warped; she feels she must “earn” a close connection by seeing to Mom’s needs and constantly doing what it takes to please her. Clearly, this isn’t the same as feeling loved. ”

― Karyl McBride





Send me your comments or what else you are thinking about narcissists and the narcissistic behaviors here.






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Lily (WasHere)









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